Charlie41

Lore74.

(11/01/2006 10:47 and 4 + 7 = 11, what this letter starts with. And 01 + 2 + 6 = 9 which give us for today an 11/9

This is Lore74

Dear Lor

The last few previous letters was all about words – or had to do with words in one way or the other (I know every letter is about words as what else are you reading than words – but there were spesific areas of words that came up).

On Sunday I spoke to my mom about the woman on the Afrikaans channel of Dstv who try to help people to interpret their dreams. But something about that is still bothering me. She is telling the people that “…hiermee se die Here dit vir jou”, “…en daarmee se die Here dat vir jou”. I am only taking examples now, but that is what it basically comes down to. But, as I said, she is only trying to help the people to understand what God want to tell them in their dreams. And I cannot exactly put my finger on what about it is troubling me – as her intentions is only for the highest good of the people she is trying to help. But it is the same with another woman who held some music show one day at the Spar. She praised God and then she will say: “En die Here het vanoggend vir my dit gese…”

And on Sunday, as I spoke to my mother about all this and tried to figure out what it is that is bothering me (sometimes when something is bothering me it does not necessarily mean it is “wrong” – most of the times it is only to focus my attention on it as there may be a lesson in). And I said to my mom I wonder if these people realize that they are making a claim that they know what God is trying to say – in that way, they know so much about God that they can tell people that God is trying to tell the person this or what ever. My mother’s comment was that it sounds like the “dominees”, as they also claim that God is saying this or that to people in this or that text in the Bible. And I wonder if it now all comes down to that they are all claiming they know God? And I remember as a child the “dominee” telling us that we can know God by God’s Word, the Bible. And I cannot understand what about that is troubling me so much – could it be that I do not believe them?
If we are to know God by God’s Word (the Bible), then God is most confusing as words are confusing. So the big question is actually, how can they KNOW God, if they disagree about how to interpret the words that are suppose to tell them about God? And I think the hilarious extreme is when they start voting (the preachers and leaders of the church) about which interpretation is correct and which not about problems that arise in the churches! This really says a lot about knowing God by God’s Word, the Bible.

And I don’t know why, but I am thinking of an incident now where there were drama in our house while I was still working in the bank. (And I always thought, while I was still at university, that one can only be a true philosopher through/by experience). And the one woman I worked with came over to our house and she suggested that I find God in the Bible – and my answer to that was that (and this is what it came down to) I will not find God there, but I believe in philosophy there might be more of a chance. At least philosophy acknowledges how confusing words can be. And I look at how the churches are battling to interpret what God’s Will is from the Word they were given and from which they are suppose to know God from. And isn’t this a battle – and I wonder if the churches even realize how confused they get? Maybe they are so busy with all the confusement, that they do not realize the confusement.

But that is besides the point now. That was long ago. But the other evening my tongue was giving me trouble – the doctor told me we have thousands of receptors on our tongues, and sometimes it drives me nuts how uncomfortable I feel because I am intense aware of these receptors. And this especially happens when I am having logic with my head and writing it down to you. So, as my tongue was a problem the other night again, I went to Rebbe Nachman of Breslov’s Anatomy of the Soul and looked up what the rebbe has to say about the tongue. And what shall I find, that the Rebbe talks of a Holy Tongue where it is mentioned that if the Rebbe is speaking of the Holy Tongue, he refers to the use of speech for holy purposes. This is just linking the tongue with words/speech. This part about the tongue and what goes with it is a part of when the Mashiach come and the Rebbe claim that when the Mashiach come, this will be “When speech is purified, and will become the speech of faith. So it seems even the Rebbe is setting an indication that when the Messiah come, this word thing will be addressed. So, who knows, maybe the Messiah will come and give us clarity on all these words and word related confusement and which is causing so much trouble because of that confusement. (And the part about the Holy Tongue and the Mashiach is on page 275 – 278.

1. 275 gives a 2 and a 7 + 5 = 12 or 212
2. 278 gives a 2 + 7 = 9 + 8 = 17.

And the last paragraph on page 278 states:
“Currently, man’s speech is imperfect. When all mankind turns to God, then speech will be perfected, as in (Zephaniah 3:9) ‘Then I will convert all the nations to a clear tongue, that they may all call out to God to serve Him of one accord’(Likutery Moharan I, 66:3).”
And this is on the page that adds up to 17 – where 17 is linked to the Hebrew name of God that means: “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”.

I was at university always very intrigued by Nietzche’s little story about the madman that ran out on the plain one night with a lantern and was shouting: God is dead, we killed God. And then also NP van Wyk Louw who have an SA on how we build walls around truths with our words and interpretations of words. Like in, how do you get to the original, the first and most clear of the concept that was underlying the words it was build with – followed by interpretations of those words…

I wonder, as these are all just words again…

LOVE
Renee
11/01/2006 12:48 and 4 + 8 = 12 which gives 12:12.

11/01/2006 16:16

Dear Lore

This is the second letter of Lore74.

But I just want to share something with you. Some very coincidental thing that happened this afternoon. If you look at the first letter of Lore74 you will see there is reference after the 5th paragraph of a (1) and (2) and I repeat them word and number for word and number now:

1. 275 gives a 2 and a 7 + 5 = 12 or 212
2. 278 gives a 2 + 7 = 9 + 8 = 17.

But now, this afternoon I was phoning from the yellow pages to see if I can get people who would be interested to join in Business Club. And

1. on page 212 I found an add of a company with a panther as logo and I phoned
2. at time 15:17

And it turned out that the owner of the company is Lorraine. Then I could not speak to her on the number I had phoned the first time when I found that Lorraine is the owner, and the second call I made was at 15:18 which gives 15 as 1 + 8 = 9 and 15 + 9 = 15. And do you remember how you asked me if 1 + 5 does not equal 6 and I said no, it is the combination of two air numbers, namely 1 and 5. But can you see how the (1) and (2) parts of the first letter links with this strange happening this afternoon?

It is also interesting that the logo of the company is a panther – seeing I had the dream of those two panthers and wrote to you about it and quoted what the symbolism of panthers are.

What do you make of this?

LOVE
Renee
11/01/2006 16:29 and 2 + 9 = 11 and this end minutes is exactly the day of which each letter starts with, the first and the second, namely 11.

Ns. Hidden behind safety bars at the back of the page where Lorraine’s company is advertised, is the eyes and nose of the face of a lion.

Lore71.

30/12/2005 19:34 and 1 + 2 = 03 which gives the date and month 30:03 and the year combined with the time (hours and minutes) leaves us with 2+5=7 and 1 and 3+4=7 or 717. And 30 + 3 + 2 + 5 + 1 (of 1+9) + (3 times 4 = 12 or 3) 3 = 44 and this gives a direct and indirect link to the Hebrew name of God which mean: “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”…

This is Lor71…

Dear Lor

On 22/12/2005 at 18:11 or 9:11 I started working on the (+) and (-) thing. I got to a bit different angle of this. I told you in previous letters how it seems that the Universe appears to be dark, but if you should take a handful of Universe into your hand – you will see right through instead of observing darkness! But with the sum I did on 22/12 2005, it seems that there cannot be negative numbers. I feel intuitively that the part of the Cartesian cross, goes into positive infinity on one end, but what the sum of 22/12/2005 come down to, is that even the left side goes into positive infinity as well. It is like, which side is East and which side is West (see later in the letter how I refer to the number system with connection to the east and west)? And that left me like I have discovered with the sum on 25/26 of October 2003 that both sets are true and will work out the same in the end with: (+) times (-) equal

1. (-) as was accepted since maths started
2. (+) with the sum on 25/26 October 2003

The sum in October 2003 showed me that there were something to the axes used on the Cartesian plane. But I still did not quite grasp it until I realized in one of my previous letters that even if the sum of October 2003 are being used, there can still be “confusing” stuff that can happen from it. But what I discovered on 22/12/2005 fits in perfectly with the appearance of something to be negative but that are not negative at all. And that appearance thing has to be uplifted by its divine spark. What I did was the following:

i) What is the distance between 0 to –1?
To get from 0 to –1 you subtract 1 from 0
Or 0 + (– 1) which is still 0 – 1
And this equal –1 ………………… (the answer of (i))
But: distance from 0 to –1 = distance from –1 to 0

ii) To get from –1 to 0
-1 + (same distance that is the same as distance from 0 to –1) and = 0.

But from (i) we get in (ii)

-1 + (the answer in (i)) = 0
-1 + (-1) = 0

which give us if we work as the maths work at this stage that (+) times (-) = (-)

-2 = 0.

To get this little sum, it took me 9 pages and added with 3 I nearly threw away which gives
12 pages.

But as you can see from the above, if you view that (+) times (-) = (+) then the sum will work out as 0 = 0.

It is like a little ball of light, that opens up and beams of light goes out from the nucleus of the ball of light – my question will just be, which side will we call the “negative” side, the one that goes into the negative infinity? Where is that, negative infinity? In space, which side is into negative infinity and which side to positive infinity as all sides seem same sides to me? That has always baffled my mind – the fact that it is claimed that there is an infinity into negative numbers! But every beam that leaves the light ball from it’s centre is actually – that’s how it feels to me – a beam into positive number infinity! But talking about east and west and this sum I did on 22/12/2005, then the sum leads to from 0 on the right to positive infinity in the left direction (and was usually taken by our mathematics as the into negative infinity) and the Chinese count from right side 0 to one and etc, to the left side. Where as we from the west count from 0 on the left side into positive infinity to the right side. Now it seems the east and west’s way of counting actually just have to be combined. Will that mean the east is not that far anymore from the west as been put into the Bible – as they both have the same point of origin, (0)?

If we take it that the (+) and (-) thing, which ever way it is taken, exist, then that might be where it come from that for every idea in this world we find those for it and those against it. And this I mention with Philosophy in mind for one – so how can people agree on anything if underlying in their mathematical formulas they accept that there is a (+) and (-)?
So some must agree and some must disagree – the symbolism is all there. Though it seems to disagree with others who agree on something is what makes the world go round at this stage, but is also responsible for what I wrote to you about the catch 22 situations arising. All consisting of words and some using words (+) and some using it (-) where this does not necessarily mean that one is good and the other bad.

And to view now that the (-) only has appearance of “negative” but has underlying divine spark which make it (+), it reminds me of the two towers in New York and 11/9/2001 – did that happen to show us that the “opposites” ((+) and (-)) must be seen and changed to ((+) and (+))? But it might as well be that both are neither (+) nor (-), as it can be just; all side same side (one side, all side).

I realize I was on the right track with the first sum on 25/26 October 2003, and a lot of my letters was based on that, but after the 22nd of this month a new phase entered.

The time I was finished with the sum was 22/12/2005 20:34 and tonight I started this letter with 19:34 where the minutes are the same, namely 34 or 3 times 4 or 12. And viewing the hour that the sum was finished, gives 20:12 and tonight’s beginning hour and minutes is 19 and 12 where 19 combination is connected for me to beginnings and ends.

Anyway, this fits a bit better – though the mathematics is some concern as this will not fit into the local mathematical systems. Too much is based on a negative into infinity number system. I remember our rabbi telling us to emanate the divine spark in every situation as every situation is applicable to this – being emanated with its divine spark. That leaves me with the question: then where is the “negative” if all can be emanated with its divine spark? Or is it that the rabbi were actually telling us that the “negative” only has an appearance of “negative” but is actually “positive” as we can emanate it with its divine spark?

Anyway, I do not want my shoulder to start aching again…

LOVE
Renee
30/12/2005 20:07 turning 20:08 or 27 and 28 with common (0)(0) and this gives 9 and 1(0) or 91 and

(0)(0)(0).

Ns. Inside the letter I mention that beginning time of this letter is connected to beginnings and ends with 19, but this letter ends with 91 which is ends and beginnings with 3 (0)’s
or 91 and

(0)(0)(0)

30/12/2005 22:17

Dear Lor

On the morning of 27/12/2005 I woke up with dream that I went to some place near Magaliesburg and was sitting in a gravel road when a leopard came to me. And it sat on top of my lap and I cuddled it – but in dream the word leopard came up connected to word “power”. Then, as me and this leopard was sitting, another one came to us. And I spoke to the one on my lap about the friend of this one on its way to us. Eventually the two leopards and myself were walking down this gravel road, each on each side of me. It was such a brilliant dream. And later on in the dream I was wearing such a white shirt that the sunlight nearly made too much light to look at it. But this is what is said about a leopard (and in dream I could not make out if it were plain leopard, jaguar or snow leopard – but it seems they all get to fall under the explanation of “panther”. And this is what Andrews speak of in Animal Speak:

“The name panther is more generally associated with a particular species of leopard or jaguar,…
The panther, in general, is smaller but more fierce than lions or tigers. They have over 500 voluntary muscles that they can use as will. This reflects a lot about an individual who has such animals as a totem. It reflects an ability to do a variety of tasks as he or she wills. It is simply a matter of deciding and putting to use those particular ‘muscles’ –be they physical, mental, psychic, or spiritual.
Panthers, they are drawn to those individuals who are likewise often solitary.
The panther is an enchanting combination of beauty and utility. They have a wonderful gracefulness, with an ability to move with ease or freeze entirely. Those who have a panther as a totem will find their greatest power in silence as goals are pursued. Revealing too much or speaking too much about pursuits can counteract some of the effectiveness.
All cats have binocular vision. Each eye can work singly, providing greater depth of vision, magnifying images, and facilitating judgment of distances. Thus anyone who aligns with the panther will begin to develop greater depth of vision – of their life, of events, or other people. This is more than just psychic sight. It is an inner knowing.
Often people enter the metaphysical field, taking up exercises and meditation to have their inner lights ‘clicked on’. Individuals with panthers as totems are usually individuals who came into the world with the lights already on.
They should trust their thoughts and their inner vision (imaginings) for there is probably a strong foundation in reality.
To those with whom the panther links comes the ability to develop clairaudience, to hear the communications of other dimensions and other life forms. The panther has very strong hearing. It can move its ears to locate the direction of sounds.
The facial hairs of the panther are especially sensitive,… Rather than holding and ‘reading’ an object’s vibrations through the hands, placing it against one’s cheek or forehead will bring strong impressions.
Things – such as foods – that are generally revolting will be more so to individuals with these totems.
It is in the hours of darkness that panthers find its greatest element of power.
In China there were five mythic cats, sometimes painted like tigers or leopards. The black reigns in the north with winter as its season of power, and water its most effective element. This is the element of the feminine. This is the totem of greater assertion of the feminine in all her aspects: child, virgin, seductress, mother, warrioress, seeress, old wise woman.
In mythology and scripture, the panther has been found in all parts of the world as a dynamic totem. It has been a symbol of the ‘Argos of a Thousand Eyes’, who guarded the heifer IO who was loved by Zeus. After his death, the eyes were transferred to the feathers of the peacock. The panther always brings a guardian energy to those to whom it comes.
The panther has also been attributed to Jesus. In the Abodazara (early Jewish commentaries on the scriptures), it is listed as a surname for the family of Joseph. It tells how a man was healed ‘in the name of Jesus ben Panther’. Because of this the panther is often signals a time of rebirth after a period of suffering and death on some level. This implies that an old issue may finally begin to heal, and with the healing will come a reclaiming of power that was lost at the time of wounding.
The panther is a symbol of awakening to the heroic quest.
The heroes thus had the seeds of the divine force, that would eventually provide impetus to reach beyond the normal bounds and restrictions…
The heroic tales tell us that no matter the depth of degradation – whether self-inflicted or inflicted from outside forces – there is always the promise of light and love to lead us back. When the panther enters your life, the path leading back is about to begin.
Usually, in the lives of those with a panther totem, there either already exists or will soon arrive upon the scene an individual who will serve as teacher and nurture and guide upon the heroic path.
…These alternate realities will open to those with panther totems.
It is the symbol of power reclaimed from whatever darkness within our life has hidden it. The panther is the promise that whatever is lost will be replaced by that which is greater, stronger, and more beneficial.
To the Indians of North and South America, the jaguar…was endowed with great magic and power. …it became a symbol of immeasurable power to the Latin American natives. It was a symbol of mastery over all dimensions.
To the Tucano Indians of the Amazon, the roar of the jaguar was the roar of thunder.
This reflects the tremendous power inherent within the feminine forces. To those with the panther as a totem, this power will increasingly be experienced.
The Arawak Indians say that everything has jaguar. Nothing exists without it. It is the tie to all life and all manifestations of life (thus ties to eternal feminine within all life). To them, becoming the man-jaguar was the ultimate shapeshifting ritual. The Olmecs created monuments to the jaguar, and the Aztecs and Mayans spoke and taught about the power in becoming half human and half jaguar. One who can become a jaguar is shorn of all cultural restrictions.
Nietzsche once said that ‘that which does not kill us makes us stronger’. It is this same idea that is awakened in the lives of those who open to the power of the panther totem. Those things of childhood and beyond that created suffering and which caused a loss of innate power and creativity are about to be reawakened, confronted and transmuted.
The panther marks a new turn in the heroic path of those to whom it comes. It truly reflects more than just coming into one’s own power. Rather it reflects a reclaiming of that which was lost and an intimate connection with the great archetypal force behind it. It gives an ability to go beyond what has been imagined, with opportunity to do so with discipline and control. It is the spirit of imminent rebirth.” (page 294 – 299 in “Animal Speak” of Andrews)

And on the morning of 4 December I woke up and I had to adjust to this reality. As in my dream you were there and your love was all over, so accepting and safe. And I was putting some not noticeable layers around the earth, and the teacher and you and others were watching this and were amazed at what I was doing. But these invisible layers had to do with some writing as well in some or other way. And during this dream there were (in smoke) a violet light coming from my “wys” finger. That is an Afrikaans word which translated literally means wisdom finger. It was also the finger that the parrot bit me when I put my finger inside its mouth. Then there were smoke above your head as well and a violet light was coming out or going in at your crown as well – not only my finger was linked to the violet, your crown was also and smoke went along with both. This dream I had in week 48, and 4 + 8 = 12 – and isn’t this the 12th month

What a month this has been. For the whole month then (1) in week 48 and (2) in week 52. The week I had the dream about the leopards as well as Laurette, is week 52 the last week of year 2005 or 52 and 25 and

(0)(0).

LOVE
Renee
30/12/2005 22:46 which gives a 22 and in total also 22 or 10 on clock and 4 + 6 = 10 or 10:10 which gives 1 and 1 or 11 and

(0)(0).

Ns. This time it seems that there are only (0)(0) twice in this second letter tonight and not like in the first letter (0)(0)(0) twice. But seeing both came up twice we have twice
(0)(0)(0) (0)(0) and isn’t 5 the sacred number of the white lions?

01/01/2006 11:44 and 01/01 can also be (0)(0) 11 and 2 + 6 = 8 = 4 + 4, but 44 is also linked directly to the name of God in Hebrew that means: “I will be revealed at ever greater levels”.

Dear Lor

These past few weeks I am battling. I want to change my point of view that my mother is saying things that make me feel bad and I want my father and myself to change our point of view that she is mistreating us. And this comes in with what you once said. We create our own reality. But my question is just, when are we creating (in our creation of our reality) a reality for somebody else? Isn’t my mother this way to us because we believe her to be this way to us? I know she is feeling frustrated with a lot of stuff, but can it be that because my father and I believe my mother to treat us the way she is treating us, that she is actually becoming worse?

It is like the rabbi’s wife who said to me that the rabbi is very good and everything, but it is a pity that he cannot manifest money. And I thought to myself but if that is her believe, and you say we create our own realities, isn’t it her believe that is influencing him not to be able to manifest money? If we are creating our own realities, in what way are we creating in that same process, somebody else’s? As he probably feel she is upset because he is not able to manifest money, but he cannot understand why he is not able to do it – and this actually just let the whole situation snowball as he wonder about his capabilities but meanwhile it could be because his wife believes he cannot manifest money?

Is this only true if we belief that we create our own realities?

And I feel so guilty because I feel it is my fault that my mother now has to suffer the consequences of my beliefs! Because I believe her to be this rigid person and doing to my father and I what we now believe she is doing to us.

How do we, my father and I, get out of this cycle of what we believe my mother is doing to us – to stop what she is doing to us because of our beliefs, from happening.

How many people are doing things to one another this way?? It seems easy when one is limited to your own reality, but when does your reality influence someone else’s – when do you cross that barrier? Because then my mother is innocent of the things she says to my father and me – as our belief is creating her to do the things she’s doing.

It is difficult, if we are creating our own realities – as this actually put so much more strain on the whole of mankind as we then have to be careful choosing the reality we want, as if we are not careful, we might cause harm to another unknowingly.

I think that is one of the reasons I do not want to make a wish or wishes or want to dream a little dream of what I would like most – who knows who is going to be influenced in my creating a reality for myself.

Like Len once said when we were discussing this subject to get some clarity: His mother is praying for him to get a 9 to 5 job, but that is the last thing he wants – so who’s “wish”/prayer will be heard and dealt with accordingly? Who’s reality is going to be created? Or (another example), if someone decides to start a business and everybody belief him to be a loser, is the everybody that believes him to be a loser going to create the reality of this guy’s failure with the new business?

I am just wondering who created for me to fail mathematics then at varsity as everybody believed me to be brilliant with mathematics and still in my first year I could not manage to pass one test, let alone the exams? And, I even believed myself to be brilliant in maths, so how did that happen? And the word fate is coming up now, but when is fate involved and when are we creating each other’s realities by the way we are creating our own? So, my question is just: if fate is at work, why do we need to want anything at all – if fate will have its way anyway? (Deepak Chopra writes in his book: Way of the Wizard that the only desire we should have is the desire for God). And then the question: can anybody sidestep fate? Like the letter I wrote to you about the incident with the car with the registration number “ILLEGAL”, when I thought I was side stepping fate, meanwhile I was actually just acting straight into the hands of fate!

As the rabbi’s wife said also to me that if you are an astrologer and you see in your child’s charts that your child is going to be a murderer, you let him become a butcher. What if that is what you do to sidestep fate, but meanwhile it was an important murder to the whole of history that that child had to commit – now you as that child’s parent try to sidestep fate, sidestep History?

Maybe I am misunderstanding the whole thing about crddeating one’s own reality? You won’t know the fire that is going on in this house…

I just wonder, in all of the above, seeing we are creating our own realities, where does God fit into the picture???

LOVE
Renee
01/01/2006 12:03 or 3(0)3

ns. 01/01/2006 14:33 and my cell is 11mins behind so this time is actually 14:44 – it depends on how you view it.

You will see that in the second last paragraph I made a typing error by putting two (2) d’s accidentally – but d is the 4th letter of the English alphabet and dd equal 44 or 44 again as in the beginning time of today’s letter. The question is just, was that a mistake or was it fate interfering?

01/01/2006 14:36 turning 37 or 3+6=9 and 3+7=10 or 91(0) and as there are already 4 zero’s in the date, we just add this (0) and it gives

(0)(0)(0)(0) (0)

or 4 on the right and 1 on the left or 41. And hour of beginning and end time is 14, which gives

41 and 14.

01/01/2006 16:05 or 7 + 5 = 12

Dear Lor

I was lying on my bed now and thinking of what I said in the last paragraph in the previous letter – how there is fire going on in this house. And if I look at the Sun, the light that comes from the Sun origins from fire. It is a star on fire, thats why it is causing light. And incredible heat goes with it. Even the little electric light bulb gets hot when switched on to cause light.

Now I am wondering why all the spiritual people want to work with the Light? As the light is all fire and heat. What is the love that is associated with the light? How does compassion fit in with fire and heat?

I am just asking, as since university days, there were a time where I only wanted to die – totally die, with no existence of any kind anymore. But where I was after the shooting, while in hospital, that place I told you where it was dark, but the experience of being there were just amazing, that would do for me. In fact, working with the light is not easy as fire and heat is not easy in these bodies we are in, to work with. And I remember in one of your letters you said to me – one cannot experience the light if you have not experienced the dark. But I would much rather choose for the dark place I have been in after the shooting, than being in the light, it seems to me the light consist of what people believe to be hell – where hell is associated with fire and heat.
I just remembered now that on 16/12/2005, the day my dog was stressed out when my parents and I was about to leave and I stayed behind at home because he was in distress, on that day as my parents were having fun and I tried to cheer up my dog, I was having a nap the afternoon (and that seldom/ever happen) and I dreamt about a newspaper and the heading was: MISLEIDING which in English means MISLEADING. (This gives us an I and an A difference in the word from Afrikaans to English. Where I is the 9th letter of Alphabet and A is the 1st letter of Alphabet, or 91 – end and beginning). So what kind of misleading is connected to light, could it be from the perspective of fire and heat? I am wondering about the fact that in the Bible, I know there is a place where God revealed God self in the way of fire. But what is really strange about that is that the Christians have some belief that the hell is associated with fire as well – “they will tell you if you sin you are going to burn in hell”.

The Earth in daylight is beautiful, so are the stars at night time beautiful and all the magical experiences and all the logic I am having with my head are just mind blowing wonderful, but if I had a choice, I will go back to where I have been in that “dark” place after the shooting incident. As there has never been so much peace and harmony than what I found there. But there were nobody, there were not even me – it was only a state of awareness of peace and harmony supreme, and no sense of existence (doesn’t that fit more the profile of what I desperately wanted when I was still at varsity?) So where was love? I don’t know as I do not know what love is or what it is suppose to be in this reality. If a perfect state can get out of my dreams and into this reality, it will surely make existence even more bearable…as what my head and who knows who are all doing to make it bearable at this stage, helps me a lot to cope. And I am not even r4efering to what my dog is giving me. I wonder if all, each one of us, have this kind of experiences of help?

LOVE
Renee
01/01/2006 16:21 and the beginning time worked out to 12 and this one on 21 or
12 21. (And I wonder why I put the word LOVE in every letter? It seems it is because you are part of that team that makes things more bearable along with my head and others – and maybe that is what I call love?)